What can seem even more difficult than making peace with others is the prospect of making peace with ourselves. We are burdened with what we have done or not done. More deeply, many of us have identities that say we are wrong or unlovable. As a result, it’s not just “I have done something wrong” but also “I am wrong.”

Such an identity can be so deeply entrenched that we’re not even aware it’s present, which can make it hard to make peace with ourselves for things we have done. Part of the challenge is the belief that the goal in life is to resolve a core conflict before we can find happiness, and to resolve that core conflict, we must be self-critical. “If I can just overcome what’s wrong and fix certain things about myself, then I can change (and be happy, loved, successful, etc.).”