Dear Lauri,

I’m currently planning my wedding. My fiancé and I have been together five years, on and off. He left a few times because he wasn’t ready for the family life with our two kids and so forth.

Recently, an ex has been in my dreams; either my fiancé leaves me and I marry my ex, or I leave my fiancé and marry my ex. This happens over and over. I guess I should add that things have been going better with us for the past year.

— Stephanie, 27, Layton, UT

Lauri: Is this particular ex you are dreaming about your first love? That’s the ex we dream about the most because it is the first time we ever felt desired, passionate, and the yearning to always want to be together. He or she will continue to pop into our dreams from time to time when our current relationship is a bit too routine or predictable or is in need of help.

Your current relationship, while on the upswing, has a history of causing you to feel undesired, so it makes sense that the ex is paying your dreams a visit. Just keep in mind that it’s not really about your desire to go back to your ex but about your wanting to go back to how that relationship made you feel.